One way to understand your own role is to review what happened, why we did what we did, and what we got as a result, Say you have a friend and you always show up to help him, but when you need him, He never shows up for you. So you end up being angry with your friend, That’s the exact time to do some self-reflection.
Did your friend ask for the help you offered? Or did you volunteer? There is a difference but if the friend did ask for assistance, why did you say yes? What is it that you desired, expected or wanted to get out of the situation? To feel needed or useful? To get him to feel as if he owed you something? Maybe you were afraid he wouldn’t love you anymore if you said no. In any of these cases, you extended yourself for you, not him.