“Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.” – Dalai Lama

1. Self hatred and self blame

People who hate themselves assign disproportionate weight to their faults and overlook their strengths. While Self-blame is one of the most toxic forms of emotional abuse. It amplifies our perceived inadequacies, whether real or imagined, and paralyzes us before we can even begin to move forward

2. Not being able to let go of the past.

Holding on to pain doesn’t fix anything. Replaying the past over and over again doesn’t change it, and wishing things were different doesn’t make it so. Free yourself from being controlled by what other people think. Start to prioritize how you feel about yourself

3. Not being able to forgive yourself.

Taking responsibility for what you did is important. But one bad choice doesn’t have to own you or define you. You can’t control how others define you, but you can control how you define yourself.

Forgiveness from others can free you up to forgive yourself. If you haven’t yet, seek forgiveness from the person you hurt.

4. Not being able to cherish who you are.

How you feel about yourself is directly related to how you treat yourself. People don’t realize that their self-worth is a major factor in whether or not they do what’s necessary to improve their life. Many people WANT to be healthy, wealthy, and happy, BUT they don’t believe they actually deserve it! If I don’t love, cherish, and value myself, it’s unlikely I will dedicate the time and energy to living a healthier and more positive lifestyle.

So, stop measuring your self-worth to others. Everyone is different and we’re all at different places in our growth and development. It can be damaging to our self-concept when we look for others who have everything we don’t, or when we compare ourselves to people with different creative gifts and talents.

5. Needing other to validate you.

Validation in one sense is the human need to know that your thoughts and feelings are okay. We’re all emotional creatures to some extent and we all have thoughts. But It’s insidious in nature because it ultimately destroys, rather than builds, self-confidence. It can and sometimes does provide confidence, but it’s external rather than self generated.

The most obvious problem with requiring external validation is just that…it’s external! Anytime you put your self-worth in the hands of someone or something outside of you, you’re at their or its mercy.

6. Letting other people define who you are.

Being defined by others can also take place in longterm relationships. We let our happiness and self-worth become inextricably intertwined with the approval of someone else. When a relationship falters and fails, we plunge into sadness and darkness.

It’s dangerous to let others define your sense of worth. It’s risky to listen to how someone else judges your work. Some feedback will be amazing and useful. Some feedback will be useless and destructive.
The higher your fans lift you, the more visible you become. For every person who loves you and your work, there will be someone who hates you and despises your creation, even if they’ve never met you.

7. Trying to be perfect, and to please everyone

Perfectionism is all about appearing to be perfect on the outside. The best way to do this is to be a people-pleaser, which are like chameleons, always trying to blend in. If they’re less than perfect, “difficult’, or different in any way they fear rejection or abandonment.

“Finally, If you want to make everyone happy, don’t be a leader, sell ice cream.”_”Unknown”

Fly unlimited


  1. “Happiness is attained when one overcome shortcomings
    comprising disappointments, pain, taking the bitter with the sweet
    understanding that life has its ups and downs
    accepting if you laugh when you got money
    you don’t suppose to cry when you don’t get none
    setting the stage for conquering love *&* money
    leadding to happiness in totality.”

    _-Van Prince

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Goodness, Kingsley, you are brilliant! I can only wish I could read your teachings when I was a child. It could have changed the direction of my life. Thank you.


    PS Is there a book of your teachings?

    Liked by 2 people

  3. So many good points of how we at times are our own worst enemy if we do not forgive,or want to wallow in the past thinking somehow it will change things. Your talent is definitely being put to good use as it touches the life of many! God Bless your work.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. This is a very well written piece with so much wisdom in it. Number four especially resonates with me. We are worthy of love, and putting in the hard work to succeed.

    The second commandment, “Love your neighbour as you love yourself” is something we need more of in the world.

    I pray everyone would find the strength to see themselves as God does, as worthy of love, as worthy of time.

    Thank you.

    Liked by 2 people

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